Why Did I Just Have Sex?

We all get that itch, but what caused it? Do we always have sex because we are looking for that leg shaking, drool dripping, back arching, nail digging, breath taking orgasm? No.  Although they sound like convincing reasons to climb into bed with someone, there is often more to it.

Obligation

Most of us have been here before. We are tired, not in the mood or busy, but we feel that it has to be done. And if it’s going to get done, it will be with you! People hold to the belief that what you won’t do someone else is ready and more than willing to do. So whether cheerfully or begrudgingly, we meet our partner’s needs. How many of us do this? The University of Texas did a study that revealed 84% of women admit to it compared to 64% of men.

Baby Fever

Tick Tock goes the clock. While society leads us to believe that women are the only ones who get the itch to have babies…that is a falsehood. Men have a desire to create a family just as much as women do. Women may have sex and find themselves secretly praying that in a few weeks they will get the good news that they are pregnant.

Stress Reliever

Hard day at work? Nothing seems to be going your way? The ‘stiff’ on you need might not be on the rocks. Sex can be therapeutic and has a way of making the stressful things in life seem not so big. Well, at least during sex. But you need that time to unwind, forget what is weighing you down. To step away from the madness and relieve yourself. For many, sex does just that.

Intimacy

No one wants to feel alone. We look for someone to share our good or bad news with. To confide in when we need counsel or are afraid. It’s always best when this person is a stable part of our life. Sex is used as a means to seal a bond between two people. When you lay in bed with your mate, you realize that these are sacred moments, personal truths no one else has access to.

Security

For some reason, one I don’t believe, there is a notion that sex will help you keep a person in your life. It is a desperate attempt used to salvage what nothing else has been able to save. Unfortunately, if a person is going to leave, they will eventually. Good sex may delay the departure, but it is inevitable.

Curiosity

You’ve been watching this person’s movement, enjoyed their scent and how they carry themselves. He studied the curves of her hips and she studied the print in his pants. Now you just can’t help but wonder how they get down in the sack. Not to mention if you experienced a kiss with this person that awakened your senses.  You may have heard a rumor about a person’s sexual talents or decided to try a new position.  Regardless of the what caused your curiosity, you give in.

Pleasure

It feels amazing when done right. There is no denying it. Simple as that. Sex feels good. We fantasize about it, crave it, wonder when we are going to get it next and from whom. The Ohio State University found in a study that men thought about sex an average of 19 times a day, while sex crossed a woman’s mind about 10 times per day. To be fair, the study also found that men thought about food and sleep more as well. However, I doubt anyone thinks about sleep more than I do.

Control

Can’t get your way with someone? Sleep with them. Problem solved! Again, as with security, people tend to believe that sex makes people do what the initiator wants them to do. Perhaps some have successful experiences with this tactic, but not everyone does. This theory is akin to Operant Conditioning, the system of rewards or punishments for certain behaviors. For those who have sex with the motive of getting something accomplished, it can be deeply upsetting for this to not work. Now you have had sex with someone you really didn’t want to just to find out you still won’t be getting what you want. It’s just better to ask nicely or do it yourself.

Over 200 reasons have been found for why we have sex and those reasons vary from the stage we are in our lives to whom we are having sex with to our need at the moment. The next time you have sex consider what motivated you.

4 Responses to “Why Did I Just Have Sex?”

  1. tagoner says:

    That’s a lot to think about. I don’t think men give it that much thought. If they did, ‘attraction’ would definitely be a category. I would like to see ‘love’ as a reason also.

    • Amani Jackson says:

      I agree. Men tend to have sex for less reasons than women but I don’t think their motives are always just love or pleasure. Love is definitely a reason we engage in intercourse as it strengthens bonds and allows partners to enjoy each other in a very intimate manner. I, however, am more interested in some of the less explored reasons.

  2. Samantha says:

    Addiction!!! I just live sex, and can’t stop!!!! I’ve tried to stop, but I just can’t. I don’t lie to myself anymore. It’s selfish of me to deny myself and him.

    • Amani Jackson says:

      So I guess you will be seeing 50 Shades Of Gray on Valentine’s Day lol. It’s good that you know why you are having sex. Some people have it and don’t want to. Are you in a relationship with your partner or does your addiction cause you to dabble here and there?

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